The Power of Pause: How Self-Awareness Can Help You Stay True to Your Values
Are You Living Your Values? 🤔
Do you consider yourself a good person—kind, honest, and caring? What happens when you act in ways that are completely out of character? Actions like taking office supplies, telling lies, or betraying a friend's trust can leave us feeling confused about who we truly are.
Understanding why we sometimes betray our own values can cause incredible discomfort, bringing up feelings of shame, self-doubt and low self-esteem. However, recognising these patterns is essential for safeguarding your integrity. The starting point is always self-compassion, and pausing opens the door to compassion!
⏸️ Pause is that opportunity for reflection between impulse and action where your true character resides.
When we fail to create space for reflection, our impulses take control, leading us away from our core values one small decision at a time. This gradual shift often happens beneath our conscious awareness. Each time we bypass the pause, we strengthen neural pathways that make future compromises more automatic and seemingly justifiable.
The Slippery Slope of Compromise 📉
You don't just jump into questionable behaviour. You likely took small steps that seemed harmless at first:
Telling a little lie to spare someone's feelings
Bending a rule for a "good cause"
Making exceptions "just this once"
These seemingly insignificant decisions may have appeared harmless, yet they were akin to small cracks in a dam. With each minor compromise, the next one becomes easier, particularly when you feel vulnerable. Ultimately, you may breach boundaries you once held firm.
The Power of Authority and Conformity 👔
There has been much research on how easily we compromise our values under authority. Psychologist Stanley Milgram, as far back as the 1960s, demonstrated how our need to belong can make us more likely to conform.
🔬 In the Milgram experiment, people were instructed to give increasingly painful electric shocks to another person (an actor pretending to be in pain). Most participants, who were not inherently cruel individuals, continued to give shocks despite the suffering of the receiver.
Although they obeyed the command, many displayed signs of distress:
Sweating
Trembling
Obvious anxiety
They found it difficult to push back against authority figures. This experiment revealed something profound about human nature: our discomfort with challenging authority often outweighs our reluctance to harm others. We fear the consequences of saying "no" more than becoming the person who does wrong.
Mental Gymnastics: How We Justify Our Actions 🤸♂️
When you do something that conflicts with your self-image, you experience discomfort termed "cognitive dissonance." To ease this mental discomfort, we create explanations to shift responsibility:
"I had no choice"
"My boss made me do it"
"Anyone in my situation would have done the same"
This mental sleight-of-hand allows you to do things you would not normally consider acceptable.
The Power of Pause: Your Strongest Defence 🛡️
Recognising these psychological traps provides you with your strongest defence: the power to pause. The pause is that brief moment of reflection between impulse and action where your true character resides.
Strategies to Strengthen Your Pause ✨
Create a personal check-in question ❓ Ask yourself: "Would I be comfortable if everyone I respect knew exactly what I am about to do?" This simple test cuts through self-justification, especially in difficult circumstances.
Practice the 10-second rule ⏱️ Allow a tiny pause, creating space between stimulus and response. When faced with difficult decisions, take 10 seconds to breathe before confronting the issue.
Engage with your body 💓 The practice of consciously tuning into bodily sensations serves as an internal compass that guides ethical decision-making and authentic living. When we face choices that challenge our values, our bodies often respond with physical signals, such as shoulder tension, a sinking feeling in the stomach, or tightness in the chest. This happens long before our rational minds can process the ethical implications. We can access our body's wisdom by developing sensitivity to these bodily responses. The body does not lie—it knows when our actions do not align with our deeper values.
Strengthen the connections 💪 Regular practices that strengthen this connection:
Mindful breathing
Body scanning
Movement meditation
In moments of decision, pausing to notice these sensations can reveal when you are at risk of compromising your principles.
5. Enhance your value vocabulary 📝 When you can express your values clearly, you're more prepared to uphold them. Write down your core values and define what they mean to you in practical terms.
6. Strengthen your courage muscle 💪 Start with small acts of standing up for your beliefs despite discomfort. Like any muscle, with practice, your courage will grow stronger.
7. Find integrity allies 👫 Surround yourself with people who uphold integrity—individuals who share your values and are willing to speak truth to you, even when it's difficult to hear.
Final Thoughts 💫
The boundary between your good intentions and poor choices is not always as clear. Your character is not set in stone; it demands ongoing attention and honest self-reflection. By embracing the power of pause, you can create a life you can truly be proud of.
Remember: crucial decisions are not only the major, dramatic ones—they are the small, everyday choices that either strengthen or gradually undermine the person you truly want to be.